Male Sexism is A Real Thing

I sat across from my mother at the kitchen table.

“So I’m going out with this guy tonight,” I quickly stuttered, hoping desperately she would just say okay and not tear me apart with questions.

She sighed heavily. The usual.

“Who is this person,” she asks with a flat expression in her face.

“Oh, he’s from program...”

“Are you going out as friends or on a date?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered disgruntledly. And honestly, I really didn’t know. What do you say when you’re going out on Friday night with a guy from a treatment program, who you haven’t seen in years but used to have a huge crush on back when you were a sad, weird, slightly-emo sophomore in high school? Apparently, you grumble “I don’t know.”

She made a face, which was equal parts genuinely concerned and mildly irritated. “I really don’t know how I feel about letting you hang out with someone I don’t know.”

Then I asked her a pivotal question; “What if it were a girl?”

“I wouldn’t care if it were a girl. I wouldn’t have to worry about someone doing anything to you.”

I was quiet for a moment.

“That’s kind of sexist.”

She went on to insist that she certainly is not sexist, that she is just realistic about the risk of sexual assault and date rape. Long story short, I went out with the guy and we had a great time. He didn’t pull any shit, which I already knew he wouldn’t. Yeah I hadn’t seen him in a while, but you spend two months of your life in a treatment program with someone, confessing all of your deepest darkest secrets and fears in front of them in group therapy, and you get a pretty clear idea of their character. I knew he was a good guy. I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I didn’t think he was.

But what my mother said, and has said many times before, is one aspect of gender inequality we hardly ever see discussed- sexism against men. Most people associate gender inequality with things like men and women receiving equal pay, being allowed the same job positions, and both genders having the right to vote. But what about the social aspects. The things that people think about others based on their gender. Preconceived notions we form, either consciously or subconsciously, about a gender as a whole. It’s like the assumption that women are always more emotional and sensitive than men, or the stereotype that women dislike contact sports like football and wrestling. What my mother did was make a judgement about a person without really knowing who he was internally at all. The only piece of information driving her conclusion that he might be a risk to go out with was this- the fact that he’s male. It is so hugely frowned upon, and rightfully so, to make assumptions about women based solely off of their gender. So isn’t making assumptions about men based solely off of their gender just as bad?

Now, I agree that it’s perfectly understandable for a parent to be worried about their child leaving the house with someone the parent is unfamiliar with. But the concept that I was potentially putting myself in sexual danger is a little ridiculous. Not only the idea that all men are a threat, but the implication that all women are entirely incapable of ever committing a sex crime. Though less common, female sex abusers ARE out there. I am a feminist, and trust me, I love women and all the amazing things we’re capable of, but I will never deny the truth that unfortunately, there are some awful women out there. Female predators exist, just like men who AREN’T predators exist too; and the fact of the matter is the majority of men out there are harmless. People who deliberately assault or abuse others don’t do what they do because of their gender. They do what they do because they’re sick and disgusting. There shouldn’t be any correlation in people’s minds between gender and morality.

Male sexism extends so much further than just the risk associated with assault. For instance, my parents don’t allow me to have my male friends alone with me in my bedroom. Understandable, since most parents don’t want to go so far as to even suggest that they condone sexual activity for their teenager, and being alone in a bedroom seems to be doing exactly that. But what about the fact that my parents are both aware that I identify as bisexual? In theory, that means I could be doing something up there of a sexual nature with literally anyone (I’m not saying I do, because I don’t, but I could be, hypothetically). The fact that my parents are okay with me being alone in my bedroom with female friends but not with male friends, having the knowledge that I am attracted to both women and men, is male sexism in its prime. Where’s the reasoning in that? There isn’t any. It all comes back to the concept that their is something about men that is inherently bad. Not bad as in negative or wrong, but bad as in tough and rebellious and risky. I have male friends who are gentle and sensitive. I have male friends who I have absolutely no romantic attraction to and never will. Hell, I have male friends that don’t even like girls! But it’s the stereotypical belief that men are rugged, powerful, and macho, which, honestly, is equally as sexist towards women as well, suggesting that we are in general mentally and physically weaker, mild-mannered and well behaved, and expected to suppress our sexual desires. And as long as we are working hard to reduce gender stereotypes about women, we should be working just as hard on reducing the stigma about men as well.